Glenn Danzig is a tool bus

let me tell you about when I didn't meet him

While working in radio in Chico, the good people at a local concert promotions company booked Danzig to play and offered us tickets to give away and wait for it…. a meet and greet with the “Dark Lord of The Cat Litter” himself, Glenn Danzig.

I had at that time a passing love for some of his music and The Misfits “Walk Among Us” is pretty epic, but…. Danzig has known issues for being a prick and well getting knocked the entire fuck out sometimes.

this is Glenn Danzig getting knocked out

But as a radio programer the thing you care most about are your listeners and if your listeners love something, you’re going to get it for them, even if it’s meeting this toadstool.

I get to the venue before the show like usual. I have the guest list for tickets and for the meet and greet and I go turn it in to the venue and toddle over to Duffy’s for a drink and the venue staff stops me and is like “We need help.”

I asked what was wrong, like maybe something happened to our station banner that lived inside the venue or whatever but instead I got told “Danzig won’t play without a metal detector present at the venue.”

Let me pause there, because this is Chico, CA. This venue has recently had Ice Cube, Snoop Dog, The Dropkick Murphys and The Kottonmouth Kings in it and none of them wanted a metal detector. Danzig the Lord of Darkness needs a metal detector?

As it turned out, yes I could get them a metal detector. My best friend in Chico worked at a bar that had a wand and they would loan it to the venue so Lord of the Elvis Cover Songs could play his fucking show.

My listeners were supposed to meet him before the show. That got pushed back, which leads to me having to call all of them. I’m supposed to introduce him on stage which of course he decides he doesn’t want. I spent the entire night running my ass off while the Dark Lord of Getting Punched in the face just dictated whatever he decided.

Finally the manager said if I lined up all of my listeners outside of the bus after the show, Danzig would do the meet and greet we had been promised. It was after 12 am in the winter in Chico. It was 19 degrees. We stood there for a very long time, me trying to keep my listeners happy and entertained. The Dark Lord of Being a Walnut is not prompt after all.

(my co-worker and bff standing with listeners in line.)

(me and my other bestie who drove 6-8 hours to be at this shit)

Finally the bus door opens and its….. not Glenn Danzig. It’s his bus driver.

He comes over to me and says “You might as well round all these people up and take them home, Dickhead isn’t coming out. Dickhead is getting a blowjob.”

I went and dropped every Danzig song from our playlist at the radio station after that. My radio station will not be paying for your kitty litter any more you vile piece of shit.

Waste my time and you are literally opening the box of fuck around and find out.