How to get fired in radio
aka another one that highlights what is wrong with me
So I’m extremely paranoid about losing my job. I could be just killing it at the store and think if a cashier calls back to the deli to ask if we have chicken strips, I’m getting fired. Everyone thinks I’m crazy but for 20 years of my life, the following things could get me fired.
1-Buy a house. If you work in radio and buy a house you will get fired. No one knows why this is the way it works, but if you’re a radio DJ and buy a house you will get fired almost immediately.
2-Go on vacation, ever. If they figure out they can run the station without you in any fashion, you will get fired. You cost money and if they can keep that money you cost, they will.
3-Call in sick. Same as above. You’ll get fired if you show any sign of human weakness.
4-Have a baby. Babies take you away from the radio. You will get fired, especially if you’re a woman. I have literally lied to program directors about having a boyfriend or not because in job interviews even though they’re not supposed to they ask you shit like this because they’re trying to figure out if you’re going to get pregnant and ditch out.
5-Get married. Yes if you get married while working in radio you’re probably going to get fired. Married means you have a family which means you probably will want vacations and holidays or have medical emergencies that don’t include you and you already know that if you get sick you’re getting fired.
6-Buy a new car. You will get fired. It shows them that you are making too much money and they could save money by firing you.
7-Get really good ratings. No I know this seems like the point of being in radio is to make the station succeed. But if you’re too good, they’ll think you want a raise (you won’t get one by the way, don’t even think that) and you will get fired.
8-Go to work on a Friday that is also pay day. This is when everyone gets fired. If there is pizza, the station has been sold and the whole staff is fired.
9-Have a death in the family. How dare you have a family in the first place, they should have fired you already for that. But hey, your mom died? Cool, you’re fired.
10-Celebrate any holiday. You want a holiday off? You’re fired.
Radio is a cruel cruel master.
