Music is my life.
When someone asks me what I listen to I can’t ever answer it correctly, because I’m not being cheeky when I say “everything.”
If you follow me on Spotify, you’ll see that my playlists are border line crazy and definitely all over the map.
I grew up on pop music, heavy metal too because my Uncle David would come over and play all kinds of loud music. My mom loved Elvis Presley, Pat Benatar and my Daddy Steve introduced me to KISS. My Dad listened to literally everything from Classic Country like Johnny Cash and Buck Owens all the way over to Depeche Mode and then later a lot of Grunge, etc. My Dad working in radio had his ears and eyes wide open to all types of sounds.
I can’t imagine what they all thought while I was jamming out to Debbie Gibson and the New Kids On The Block. Probably nothing, since the only thing I never went without was music, I could always get my hands on it.
After my pop era, it was Grunge and then because of Grunge, I got into Punk. And because of Punk I got into Goth and Industrial.
I hadn’t actually realized there was a music genre out there that actually LOOKED like the inside of my head, like the novels I read, like the movies I liked, the clothes I wanted to wear but my mom wouldn’t let me until I found Goth.
I honestly don’t remember the exact moment, but I am pretty sure the first Goth song I really sat up and went “WHAT IS THIS NOISE THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY HEAD?” was “In The Flat Field,” from Bauhaus. My friend Michael was this mix tape making super hero when we were growing up and he put it and “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” on a tape for me and my head snapped back.
(Bela Lugosi is still very dead. Poor Bela.)
I just kept jumping in deeper.
I found so many bands that I loved. The Cure were mainstream so I didn’t know they had dark roots. Depeche Mode too. Bands I already loved but I didn’t know this was spooky spiderwebs and leather music! This was before the internet was easily available to everyone so I was relying on friends and magazines to show me more, more, more of this stuff.
Black nail polish, black cats, black fishnets, ALL BLACK EVERYTHING!
(except for the Party Bus Dodge Neon, she was red)
I went to go see Love and Rockets several times but the first time I saw them was while Orgy was opening for them and I met a really nice guy named Tosh who worked in a record store in LA and he was a total Goth / Rivet Head and after we exchanged email addresses in the parking lot we started sending each other tapes and we visited each other once or twice. Solid dude, I think he’s married now. I randomly ran into him at a Nine Inch Nails show after we had lost touch for awhile.
(The night I met Tosh, outside in the parking lot, digital cameras were so new!)
I digress.
For a short period I got to DJ at an all ages club where I got to play this music for people. I was always hungry for more music, so I was mail ordering CDs, buying stuff of E-Bay, ordering special magazines from other countries after I had exhausted Barnes and Noble, etc. These weren’t Goth clubs or anything, but it was fun.
When I started dating my ex-fiance the super Gothiest person I actually knew in real life, we spent many of our weekends in LA going to Goth clubs. Bar Sinister is still around and is still like the mecca but there were so many other club nights that we’d go and try out. Our favorite was Clockwork Orange which was like Goth, Industrial and Alternative. It was in this huge place with three different rooms that was in the World building in Hollywood. I think the Ruby which was the club that hosted Clockwork and the other night we liked called Bang! is now a Buffalo Wild Wings in that building. Hollywood isn’t like it used to be.
It was a total trip to me though to go into this massive three roomed club and see all these Goth kids dancing and hanging out. The clothes were insane and I so coveted everything everyone was wearing. It was just so beautiful.
We went to Melrose a lot. Retail Slut was a destination any time we got down there.
(Hollywood Daze)
We went grave hunting. We went to midnight screenings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. We went to the Museum of Death. We went to concerts. Lots and lots of concerts.
(Me, in the parking lot going to see The Cure one of the 4 times I’ve seen them. Yes I’m the genius wearing metallic pants in Irvine, CA in the summer.)
All of these bands, this sound, this look that supposedly celebrates death and darkness was a source of joy for me. It was fun to get dressed up, to wear a costume every day, to go hang out with other people who loved the same things as I did. Bats, spiders, pumpkins, ghosts, art…
There are downsides to Goth culture, as in every subculture. Like are you ever Goth enough? OMG do you not sleep in a coffin? You shop at Hot Topic? Where you not there when Joy Division released their first album? Do you own a pink shirt? OMG!
It’s ridiculous of course, but that’s how scenes are.
I may not wear all black every day anymore or paint my nails black or cake myself in eyeliner every day but in my little black heart it’s always Halloween and I am always down to do the spooky stomp arm waving tree dance (if you know then you know) anywhere at any time.
(Who am I kidding, I took this picture yesterday… I haven’t outgrown anything.)