PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TIME:
Tonight in the Service Industry is known as HELL NIGHT.
It is the night that either everyone is last minute Thanksgiving grocery shopping, checking into hotel rooms at weird hours, going out to dinner because they have to cook tomorrow or ordering pizza and especially the night when people go out to DRINK A LOT.
(Oooh it’s so festive to get shitty drunk!)
Be kind to the people serving you. They too would like to be with their families, prepping meals or out drinking with all their high school buddies who came back into town to see their family but want to get shit faced first.
Here are some common sense rules to navigating this Unholy Day:
IN THE GROCERY STORE-
1-Eat before you go to the store. The lines are going to be long, lousy with other people who waited until the last minute or realized they had forgotten the thyme and cumin and need to go back to the store AGAIN.
2-Realize that most grocery stores are understaffed right now to start with because hey that wacky pandemic affected grocery workers in larger numbers than some professions and that WE KNOW A MILLION OF YOU ARE COMING. It’s all hands on deck and we have as many lanes and checkers and baggers on as we have. We’re going as fast as we can. Some of us even have to work on Thanksgiving for when you forgot the butter again or Aunt Cindy drinks all the Chardonnay before noon.
(“I swear I was cooking with it!”)
3-In short, be patient, be kind, be understanding if your store is out of an item because most of us didn’t get trucks last night and what you see on the shelves is what we have.
AT THE HOTEL-
1-The poor person checking you in at 10:30pm at night tonight only has X number of rooms left. Yeah, if you get there really late, you’re probably not going to get exactly what you want. Crazy right? Someone else might have shown up at check in time and got that sweet room you saw in the pictures and you might get the room that is still your room type next to the ice machine. It’s not personal bro, but hotels are first come, first serve.
(Oh Hello Mr Jones, we’ve been waiting for you to verbally abuse us all day! Welcome!)
2-This person also will have to go back to work in the morning. Sometimes at 7am after getting off at 11. They most likely will not see their family at all during the holiday, let alone cook and prep a meal or even eat one. In the years I spent in the hotel industry I worked Thanksgiving Eve and Thanksgiving Day 3-11 every. single. year. My Thanksgiving meal was Dominos Pizza. One year I even had the privilege of almost being murdered by a crazy person while doing it. Be nice to these people. The money ISN’T THAT GOOD and you’re not the first or last person to yell in their face tonight. Why not trying to be the one who DOESN’T?
IN THE BAR-
1-Yes, it is old home week for you and your friends. The night before Thanksgiving is one big high school reunion if you want it to be. This doesn’t mean the bar where you were regulars after graduation or when you had fake ID’s or whatever, remember you at all. It’s been 25 years Carl, there are new bartenders, laws have changed and frankly so has your ability to handle your liquor. Do not expect special treatment because you used to play Trivia in there every Tuesday for 3 years 25 something years ago.
(These guys don’t know you, Sorry Carl.)
2-Don’t bitch about showing ID. Like I said these guys don’t know you and this is one of the nights of the year a lot of people with fake IDs or no IDs try to blend into the crowd, so just prepared to show your ID. I checked IDs at the World Famous VIP Lounge in Bakersfield many a Hell Night and I’ll tell you the shit people try to hand you as an ID is out of hand. No Lisa, that Costco card with your photo on it only proves that you buy your toilet paper in bulk, not that you are 21. Move on.
3-When you get inside the bar even if you are a local regular do not expect the same service you normally get. On a Wednesday night at your local watering hole there might be 20-35 people tops in there. 150 on a Saturday maybe… but on this night you’re looking at as many people that can be crammed into that bar as possible. There will be lines. You will have to wait. Deal with it.
4-Know what the fuck you want to drink when you belly up to the bar finally. You’ve been in the line, you’ve had time to think about it. Have a drink in mind.
5-If that drink is anything other than a shot and beer or a single liquor and single mixer cocktail be prepared to wait longer. Also you an asshole. Complicated Mai Tais and layered beer drinks have no place in Hell Night. If you order a Bloody Mary or a Mojito, you shouldn’t even be allowed to drink. Just stop, it’s busy.
(Oh so sorry! We’re out of mint! And Limes! and Ice!!)
6-Tip you cheap bastards. These bartenders have families waiting at home for them to get up tomorrow and smile and sit through dinner before going back into work so you can avoid your families after Thanksgiving dinner. They may have stayed up all night cleaning the bar and then going straight home to do meal prep. Tip them, tip them well. Help them pay off that turkey they’re probably going to be too tired to eat.
THE PIZZA GUY-
1-If you order a pizza tonight, it’s going to take a goddamned minute. Seriously order it a full hour and a half before you actually want it. Add 30 more minutes AT LEAST on Thanksgiving because there are people stuck at work (and there are a lot of us) that didn’t get to eat Thanksgiving dinner and are hungry. Basically the time frame is a lot like when you try to order pizza during the Super Bowl.
2-When your pizza driver shows up later than you would like, don’t scream at him, it’s not his/her fault. They are busy. Back at the pizza joint they can only cook so fast and the driver can only drive so fast so with a ton of people ordering pies, you’re gonna have to wait. Eat some cookie dough and calm down.
3-Tip these kids and men and women, they deserve it, no matter when they make it to your house.
BEFORE anyone starts on the whole tirade of “Well these people should get better jobs,” bullshit that everyone likes to trot out when asked to not treat service industry people like shit let me remind you that YOU use these services. YOU are the person who deems them necessary and they don’t WORK without PEOPLE to WORK at them. Being a decent human being to another hard working human being providing a service shouldn’t be seen as a chore, but rather a joy.
Give Thanks this Thanksgiving weekend to the people making it possible for YOU to enjoy your time off by not being a dick. Seems like an easy concept.